If you were to rate how satisfied are you with the closeness of your friendships on a scale of 1-10, what number would you pick? I’m finding that many startup entrepreneurs and side hustlers are spending more time on growing their business and less time investing in friendships. In this episode, our guest Shasta Nelson teaches us how to build lasting friendships.
Shasta Nelson on How to Build Lasting Friendships and Why They Matter:
Shasta Nelson is going to tell us all about reducing loneliness and maximizing healthy personal and professional relationships.
Important definitions for this episode: ?
Loneliness: isn’t a lack of skill or desire but a recognition that we have more capacity for more relationship, intimacy, and love in our lives than we are currently experiencing.
Frientimicy: Nonsexual intimacy. Feeling seen in a safe and satisfying way.
Do you feel seen and supported?
If not this is what can cause a feeling of loneliness. Entrepreneurs are higher on this list because they work alone and may not feel like they are a part of a team and no one sees what they are working on behind the scenes.
Loneliness is the #1 factor damaging our bodies, former US surgeon general Dr. Vivek Murthy book called “Together”. He says that he saw more patients dealing with loneliness than heart disease or any other issue.
Feeling lonely is more damaging to our health than: ?
Smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Twice as harmful as being obese.
Same as being a life long alcoholic.
A lot of people think happiness is hard to define but that is not the case, 70% of our happiness comes down to relationships. – Dr. Nevins
Shasta Nelson tells us that 70% of people are scoring themselves as dissatisfied with the level of closeness that they have in the relationships in their life. More people are struggling with this than those that are not. We are all craving more intimacy. (See resources to take the quiz to see where you are.) ?
Once you’ve taken this quiz you can see the gap and figure out what you need to do to take you from a 6 to a 10 or from a 2 to 8 or higher. You need to take action to fill in this gap.
What to start building a strong inner circle? Here’s some wisdom for you.
3 things come up in all of our relationship studies that show how we feel more connected to people:
1. Positivity ➕ – feeling more happy feelings when you’re around certain people. We need 5 positive emotions for every 1 negative emotion.
2. Consistency ? – where we log the hours and create a pattern for our friendship, it is all of the time we spend and builds trust in a relationship.
3. Vulnerability ? – revealing ourselves and sharing who we are authentically.
How can we build stronger relationships and deeper intimacy?
We each have the opportunity to look at our friendship and see which of these 3 things are missing in that relationship. These 3 points give us a road map of what to look at and where to go from where you’re at.
We need to evaluate ourselves to make sure that we are being positive, consistent, and vulnerable in our relationships. Now that you know what the important parts are you can improve any friendship. How can you add one of the 3 points to help build that relationship.
So often we pull away from relationships because we feel like they aren’t meaningful, but we really need to lean in if we want it to become more meaningful.
How do you prioritize relationships? ?♀️
I always give myself a day off and be a good boss to myself. I schedule lunch with friends a few times a week. I have a mastermind once a week. It’s not a struggle anymore to add this in. I know that it is so important that it is not an option for me.
Shasta Nelson’s final thought: ?
A study was done with adults who moved to a new city to see how long it took them to create new friendships. These are their reports:
30 – 50 hours to go from stranger to casual friend
80 – 100 hours before they felt like friends
200 hours together before they felt like close best friends
If you’re not showing up in a workspace where you are building that consistency, you have 2 options 1. To join something that is already consistent where you can show up regularly and build relationships or 2. Schedule consistency yourself. You must initiate and hold the energy to make that happen.
It’s not about the exact hours it is just about consistency.
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
▶ Shasta Nelson’s Book: The Business of Friendship
▶ Take the quiz: The Frientimacy Quiz
What have you done to successfully prioritize friendships in your life?